What just happened?

Finally, an update from the lowlands.  Every day is packed with multiple frustrations, amazements, lessons and amusements for all of us, so the two months we have been here sometimes seems like an eternity.  At the same time, the gross inefficiency that comes from trying to operate in a new country can add to the sense that time is just zooming by. There is nothing like spending three hours trying to log on to internet banking to remind you of the value of time and to emphasise the speed with which it passes (yes, even when one of us works for the very bank that provides the internet account). Now I know that many of you are reading this thinking “Really? Why don’t you just (insert helpful advice)”.  I tried them all – it still took three hours! And don’t even ask about the many times I have embarked on what should have been a ten minute dash to the supermarket, only to emerge dazed, confused and empty-handed, an hour later! The central heating instruction manual alone has consumed at least 72 hours of my life, and we still alternatively freeze and boil – Google Translate does little to assist in that situation, with helpful interpretations like “turn the right dial until ash temperature overworks”.

Despite all our clocks having been set to run extra-fast, I still thought it was worth reporting on some of the happenings since our early January arrival. 

The Not-Quite Canal House

The scene in our street on the day we moved in

We have been lucky enough to find a house, which we moved into in early February. Unfortunately, it’s not the grand 17^th century canal house you might have been hoping to come and visit, but we’ll be not far down the road from quite a few of those.  It’s the story of our lives; in Gladesville we lived “not far down the road” from some beautiful old sandstone houses with harbour views . . . in London we lived “not far down the road” from some spectacular mansions and royal palaces.  We seem forever destined to be just down the road from residential glory.  Still, we are very happy with our humble Amsterdam abode, which importantly will comfortably accommodate guests.  It is a two minute bike ride from Amsterdam’s magnificent Vondelpark, a 12 minute ride from the Rijksmuseum and a 3 minute stroll from a Michelin-starred restaurant and many other dining options.  It is also 100 metres from a prison, which might prove to be a useful incentive for good behavior by De Jongens, and two blocks from a psychiatric clinic, which raises all sorts of possibilities for the whole family.

A week or so after we moved in, I was dozing in bed at about 6am, enjoying the sound of rain on the roof, when I realised we are four floors below the roof, and it was actually the sound of water pouring into the basement rooms – guest room, storeroom, bathroom and study. Ned Nederlander, bravely channelling the boy with his finger in the dyke, could do little to hold back the tide emanating from a burst pipe next door. The water level peaked at about 30cm, giving us some excellent exposure to the Amsterdam emergency plumbers network, the local constabulary, our inquisitive (but very helpful) neighbours and the Dutch insurance company we had taken out a policy with a day or two earlier….

School Daze

To my great relief, de Jongens have fitted in extremely well at the International School of Amsterdam.  So far, there would appear to be an inverse relationship between the extent of one’s initial resistance to a change and the level of enjoyment one actually gets from said change. 

Grote Jongen, originally the most strident resister to a move to the lowlands, has been as happy as
a duck on a canal from the moment he entered the school;  socially he seems to be off and running,
as any of you unfortunate enough to be friends with him on FaceBook will know; academically he is
(so far) quite engaged.  I say "quite engaged" because you will need to overook the fact that he has been kicked out of a science class for ridiculous behaviour, received "no result" in a Dutch test, and hurled a maths text book across the room during a particularly frustrating homework session, but nothwithstanding those . . . ahem . . . .minor issues, he really does seem to be interested in the
classes.  For example, proving that school is much more fun now than a generation ago, he seemed
to genuinely enjoy learning about the periodic table.  When you least expect it, he trots out one or
two weird facts about the elements; this to my great consternation, as I struggle to remember the symbol for oxygen!  He has completed an amazing unit on religious extremism, and in an annoying demonstration of his newfound critical thinking and innovative analysis skills, has suggested that his parents’ constant preaching about table manners would serve as a useful case study for his class. He
is learning both Dutch and Spanish, at the speed that everyone tells you children learn languages.

Kleine Jongen is less effusive, but also happy. He has a teacher who appears to model himself on the teacher played by Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, so it’s hard to imagine school being anything other than fabulous.  His seventeen class-mates represent about twelve different nationalities. The last few months of middle school involve researching and presenting a major small group project on a chosen subject – he has chosen “Special effects and props in movies”, which will be surprising to those who know him, as it involves neither a ball nor goalposts.  The catch is that although students may choose their own topic, they must fit it within a prescribed theme; namely “How creative thinking in my chosen area affects my thinking and the thinking of those around me”. No mean feat for a bunch of ten year olds.   Finished products from previous years put my undergraduate thesis to shame, so we are looking forward to seeing the outcome of his musings. His group of five boys have independently organised a field trip to a local production studio, with a couple of we curious mums noting that the email inviting them to come and have a look included an invitation to "stay for a small drinks party". Dutch liberalism in action.



It’s astonishing to hear both boys at the end of the school day –excitedly brimming with stories, facts, queries, explanations, translations. On any given afternoon, I might hear details of the first 20 elements of the periodic table, what “vaak” means in Dutch (pronounced f…  … oh never mind), the macaroni cheese in the cafeteria, techniques for texting your mother without the teacher noticing, explicit details of the game-winning goal scored during lunch break in the snow, what the Austrian artist Hundertwasser thinks about the relationship between onions and life, the effects of  the 2011 tsunami on Japanese migration patterns and something or other about improper fractions. That’s when I switch off.

Out and about

Shortly after arriving, we jumped on a train and took de Jongens on a day trip to Brussels, selling it to them as an opportunity to test and purchase vast quantities of chocolate, which we all duly did.

We then showed those Europeans a thing or two about skiing during a recent short sojourn to Innsbruck, Austria.  Skiing conditions were pretty close to perfect, leading to what may yet become known as “the best family holiday ever”.  

As of last Friday, we now have a car, which will hopefully make weekend escapes a little more likely, although that will require us to improve our ability to understand the nice Dutch woman in the sat. nav. system.  Last weekend, our comical inability to understand her instructions led us to unintentionally complete an impressive full circumnavigation of Amsterdam via the A10 ring road, narrowly escaping divorce and infanticide in the process!

However, even if we never manage to steer beyond the A10, we are excited by rumblings in cyberspace of several planned assaults on Europe by Australian friends and family, and we're quite confident we can find enough to amuse you all in the area within the A10's seemingly impenetrable barriers!

Finally

Thank you to all of you who have sent emails, Skyped and phoned since we arrived; it makes being on the other side of the world much more bearable to be in constant contact with you all, and hear your news.

Since this post has been two months in the making, I will delay it no longer and publish it now, ready or not.  My plan is to use The Low Down blog as a way of giving you the occasional update on our life in the lowlands (updates and downloads being a useful analogy for our life over here...).  My understanding of blog technology and processes is sadly tenuous, so I'll apologise in advance for any teething problems, although I admit to being cautiously optimistic about the prospect of having lots of disciples (or followers...whatever they are called).

With love,
The Dutchess xx